"Careful Sarah, you're in danger of becoming boring."
My friend drunkenly giggled. It was after 1:00 a.m. on a Friday, and I was yawning and ready to go home from the bar. My friend was sitting in a booth between Schmoozer and his BF.
If my friend knew how much those words hurt, she'd be horrified. I never told her. At the time I think I muttered I had to get up early to work on Abraham's house. I had been working hard on it, trying to carve a life for myself there.
I watched my friend. She was sitting where I was sitting over two years ago, with the same people I would have been sitting with. Drinking with Schmoozer and his BF. And then I felt sorry for the three of them, having not evolved at all in the last few years.
My friend was new to town. She and her boyfriend broke up and she was eager to start fresh, so she moved to our side of the city. She knew Harvey and me and Jenna, albeit peripherally. We started inviting her out to things. She did what I did when I was new: she always said yes.
She joined my kickball team. I had been inviting my friends to join or come out for three years, and she was the first person to do so. She was warned that Abraham and I were partiers and that we would be out until 3:00 in the morning, yet she was the one who stayed behind after we left at 11:00 p.m. every week. Pretty soon the guys from kickball were coming up to her and hugging her while nodding at me from across the room.
This girl had picked up my life where I had left it behind.
I say that with both with and without jealousy. I love Abraham, and I am very pleased with our life. I don't hate Home Depot as much as I thought I would. I like painting walls and creating something new in Abraham's home. I love that I have someone to share that with. I love even more that I have someone besides my mother who will always answer the phone when I call.
But it is with a pang that I take off my crown as the party girl. There is a certain amount of attention that comes with that title. The boys who would have greeted me with hugs don't anymore. People don't ask me to play the drinking games much anymore. My priority at kickball nights is now when I'm getting fed.
I quit the team. I don't think I've mentioned that. Abraham's (ex)roommate and I both joked that we found our husbands playing kickball, therefore kickball had served its purpose in our lives. But in reality I needed more downtime. I am working full time, planning a wedding, and going to my Jewish classes: I didn't need one more night a week blocked off by activities.
So I took off my party girl crown and bestowed it to my friend. I just didn't know with that I was in danger of being insulted and called boring.
I hate when people say hurtful things while joking like it's not supposed to hurt because he/she is joking. I think it's great you've evolved. She's probably just jealous anyways. :)
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog for some time now, and you are anything BUT boring!
ReplyDeletei think boring's a good thing. i just called mom and told her i was going on a run, eating the spaghetti d made last night, & drinking a glass of wine. to me, that is perfection. not a thursday night out on the time. perspective is a funny thing but i think when we find someone we want to stay at home with, staying at home is where all the fun is. :)
ReplyDeleteAs a still single gal who still parties it up, I wish I could have a boring weekend with a great guy that was filled with trips to home depot and the supermarket. I think I took for granted some of the most basic down time kind of things in my last relationship like going to the coffee shop with your love and both of you wearing sweats, enjoying the fall weather on a Sunday morning. I now miss those down moments soo much. Please enjoy what you have! :)
ReplyDeleteYou will never be boring! Your priorities have shifted. I joke with my boy that we are boring now but really we are not. You are happy...and ultimately that is what really matters.
ReplyDeleteI've never been a party person, I'm more of the stay at home, entertain myself, and sometimes I go to Home Depot (and love it) person. I, frankly, don't give a fuck, and neither should you. Like I said, I can't understand the longing for that particular "scene", but this is just your new normal.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I was a little surprised that you said you felt sorry for the three of them. I understand Schmoozer, cuz he seems like a one of those 'little boys that shave' types, and will probably never evolve, but perhaps the other 2 are just passing time as they wait for their "someone's" to come into their life?
At least you haven't disappeared, make time to hang out with friends that want to hang out with you, and are kind to you. Not the ones you feel insulted by, or will make you a wee bit jealous. Its best to just sort those people right on out of your life if you can. There is a lot of loneliness that comes with the party girl crown, so let the other girl reign.
I think you are becoming more than you were - being the party queen filled a hole in your life that you are now filling with things that have greater value and I think, from your post, that you understand this. That doesn't mean you won't sometimes miss those crazy days, but they represent a person that you aren't really anymore. I think it's great that you have the ability to appreciate the value of what you have, versus what you had.
ReplyDelete"And then I felt sorry for the three of them, having not evolved at all in the last few years." So, if someone doesn't get married, it means they haven't evolved? Well, you could've thrown her this insult.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, that's 100% the opposite of what Sarah wrote and likely what she meant. People evolve and grow and change and if they do not, they are stagnant. if you are still doing the same thing you were doing on Thursday night as you were doing two years ago, I have to wonder if your interests have broadened or narrowed, if your relationships have changed, if you have grown as a person, or are you the same EXACT person you were when I met you. I don't have ONE friend who is not a different person than they were when I met them, so if I'm sitting at a table thinking gah, this is deja vu, then I'd say yes, those people have not evolved.
ReplyDeleteNever, not EVER, NOT ONCE has Sarah ever lauded her relationship or engagement over anyone and since I know her personally, I'm infuriated on her behalf at the insinuation that she meant to insult her friends. If you knew her you'd know she's the person we have to teach the word NO to, because she's loathe to hurt someone's feelings.
Also that chick's comment pissed me off when you told me that and it STILL pisses me off. I don't think she was jealous, just that she defines life differently and because your definition of life changed to something other than what she enjoys, it's boring.
ReplyDeleteWell hell. Some of us would give our left arm for your 'boring' life.
Don't forget...the grass is always greener. Well, not always. I have friends and family who are not married at 40, and I look at their FB - wouldn't it be nice to go on a girls weekend? Do something on a whim? But I wouldn't trade my husband and kids for the world. I'll be there for them, and them before me, longer than any bar will remain open.
ReplyDeleteI know you gave over that crown gracefully.
Thank you. I think being boring if I'm not out at a bar past 1:00 a.m. is a really narrow-minded point of view. I also think getting married as the only way of evolving is equally a narrow-minded point of view. It's worth noting that I had evolved from Schmoozer and his BF months before I even met Abraham. It has nothing to do with getting married. It's what Dom said: interests are supposed to change over time.
ReplyDeleteThough being called boring is never fun I don't think you need to worry about it. Sure, your party girl crown is off but you have a new crown now that fits you better since you've evolved. We're supposed to transition and keep evolving or else we'd still be going to toga parties and interning our whole lives.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who regularly opens her mouth without thinking, I'm sure she didn't mean to insult you. It's natural for one's priorities to change (or at least shift) once you become settled into a relationship (or, indeed, out of it). The change is positive (but don't be too hard on those whose interests don't seem to have changed - sometimes on the outside nothing looks different but lots has changed elsewhere).
ReplyDeleteLove the new blog!
Aw, your kinds of parties are just changing with age, it doesn't mean you are missing out!
ReplyDeleteLOL "I don't hate Home Depot as much as I thought I would." There is SO much potential there!
-aj